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My name is Stephanie. I am a ranting, crafty-wannabe, cat lady. Learn more about me here. Thank you for stopping by!

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Right now

I am happy right now.

This last year, I have stepped out of my comfort zone, and went to meetups, and parties, and events that I was super hesitant to go to. I wasn’t sure if I was wanted there, or invited out of pitty, or what. But once I got my ass there, I met amazing people.

Those people have been unbelievable supportive, and kind, and funny, and awesome to he around. These people have changed my life.

This past year, I have made and maintained beautiful relationships that will last a long time. These people have made my life so happy.

I feel incredibly happy right now.

But also – Henry is snuggling the shit out me as I write this, and that also makes me happy x 10.

The Future

I don’t know if it was turning 30, or feeling amazingly independent for the first time, in a along time – but all I think about is the future.

I would really like to skip to 5 years from now:
I’ll finally be graduated from college (yes, I’ll be 35 when I graduate) and getting a job in my field, I’ll be selling my condo that I’m just now buying (fingers crossed there are no hiccups between now and closing), and be married.

Age 35 will be the best year. But I have a lot of work to do between now then. A lot of homework. A lot of upgrades to my condo. A lot of learning to be a great partner.

Full steam ahead!

Love means nothing

Okay, it doesn’t mean nothing. It just doesn’t mean as much as you think it means.

I thought- if I loved someone more than I’ve ever loved anyone before, then that person was going to be my person forever. I thought if I showed that person how much I love them, with my whole heart, and I loved nothing more, then that person would be my person forever. I thought if I told that person how much I loved them, more than anyone I have ever loved before, and more than I could ever love anyone again, then that person would be my person forever.

That is not the case. Love doesn’t work like that. And learning this, almost killed me. And I don’t say that to be dramatic, or figuratively or metaphorically. I mean that I thought I could have killed myself. I don’t say this lightly. But I say it because that was my mental state at the time.

When I started wake up and finally start to get my head out of that dark place, I realized I had no idea how love worked. Or didn’t work.

This past year I have read every article I’ve come across about love, relationships, marriage. When I realized I wasn’t educated in love or marriage at all, I wanted to soak up all the knowledge I could. I listened to hours, hours, hours of podcasts. Spent several days consuming advice written by relationship therapists.

(As a side, this may sound compulsive but that was my own personal reaction to having had everything I knew and loved taken away from me without my control.)

What I learned is – marriage has nothing to do with love. It has everything to do with kindness, generosity, being selfless, treating that other person better than you treat yourself.

I think people automatically want to think that marriage has to do with trust and respect and not cheating. But those are simply by-products of the above, in my opinion.

I wish I knew this then, but I’m grateful that I am learning this now. And will continue to learn. I have done so much to better myself as a single, independent individual and to hopefully be the best partner I can be in the future.

I want to be called out if I’m being a dick. I want someone to shake me and tell me I’m being silly. I want someone to make me laugh instead of cry. I want someone who can guide me and educate me and go on adventures with and someone who will fall in love with me.

Okay so there’s got to be love in there somewhere. But there’s gotta be so much more.

I’m not living the life I’ve written about in the past. I have a different life now, and, while I feel nostalgic to those memories, I am determined to lead a better life and be in a healthier relationship in the future.

Spring is here: Planting Succulents

Succulents and Cactus Planter
Ryan and I bought a house super recently, and we’re finally all moved in. We still have a lot of unpacking to do, but my first order of business? Planting flowers!

We went to Home Depot and I picked out a cactus with a pink blossom on top, and a few succulents to go around it inside a planter. It’s pretty low key, but it’s really all I could muster at this point.

We’ve been packing and moving all week, with the bulk of it on Wednesday. So. Much. Work. Everything hurt when I woke up on Thursday, and I still had to go back to the old place to clean up and pack up the car with stuff we couldn’t (wouldn’t?) get into the moving truck the night before.

Here is what I have included in my cute little planter:
Vera Higgins
Vera Higgins Succulent Plant
Elephant Bush or Spekboom
Elephant Bush Succulent Plant
Red-headed Irishman Cactus
Red-Headed Irishman Cactus Plant
Baby Toes
Baby Toes Succulent Plant
Chalk Fingers or Mini Blue
Chalk Fingers Succulent Plant
Echveria Hybrid “Sleepy”
Echeveria Succulent Plant

The Baby Toes are my favorite! I am extremely happy with the results, although I hope they grow into each a bit more.

I hope to show you more pictures of the house, and of course ‘before and after’ photos of everything. Can’t wait!